The Weed, Sex, and Chocolate Guide 2023
The Weed, Sex, and Chocolate Guide is back to help you with your quest to enhance the Valentine’s Day festivities.
Weed is one of the greatest Valentine’s Day gifts of all, regardless of your plumbing. You can buy it for the person you started dating last week or last decade and you never have to worry about it being too over the top. Not the lube, but the other stuff.
We’ve always used this list to highlight the chocolate of the moment. We’re also trying to include plenty of new faces this year, but you’ll certainly recognize a couple of OGs that just have it down. Nevertheless, we’re sure this lineup of cocoa in all its glory produced all over California will fill the air with, at the very least, a love of weed chocolate.
Alien Labs – Super Silver Haze x Xeno
The pheno of SSH x Xeno that we tried was probably the haziest American thing we’ve ever had the chance to sample. It tastes more like something from Europe than Sacramento. I think the thing that shocked us the most was just how overpowering the Haze terps were over the complexity of Xeno. A lot of people would argue hazes are some of the best sex weeds with the exception of this dominatrix I knew from San Francisco who said Blue Moonshine. But I think she just wanted a heavy indica to make it easier to tie people up.
Symbiotic Genetics Rosin
Symbiotic Genetics is one of the most stored seed companies of the decade. In addition to its genetics taking top honors at Chalice, its work has dotted podiums all over the world for years. I even saw some Mimosa grown in Africa that would be competitive. As luck would have it, the amazing flavors are now available in hash made by some of the world’s best extractors. Keep an eye out for their work with Royal Key Organics and Kalya.
Fig Farms – High Flyin Chocolates
The first-ever Emerald Cup indoor flower champions are diving into the world of edibles with a new chocolate offering. Made from the same quality material that’s taken home a podium spot in every contest it has ever entered, you’ll certainly be able to feel the difference. But the actual flavor of the Cookies and Cream rosin-infused chocolates is spot on, too, with no weedy flavor to it at all.
Is another rosin chocolate starting to make waves, Ouid is owned and operated by Michelin and James Beard Award-winning chefs Matthew Kim and Matt Rowbotham. The pair strived to bring their high-end cooking experience to the world of cannabis edibles. They argue that they are putting out restaurant-quality confections and it would be hard to say otherwise. Ouid Confections is available all over Los Angeles.
Cosmic Cookie Dough
We covered the tale of Cosmic Cookie Dough last year, and they remain one of the easiest ways to please vegan edible lovers. If you want to show your vegan lover you care, bake some up for the holiday or just bring two spoons and raw dog it. There are no eggs, so you don’t have to worry about food poisoning.
Punch always has a Valentine’s day offering, but this year, the new half cookie bar is definitely our pick. Punch is a company that was made famous during the medical era for its potency but had to fall back on quality alone once the value buying aspect of cannabis edibles was lost to the 100mg THC cap that came with Prop 64. This year the company celebrates a decade of getting Southern California lit with its exceptional edibles.
Want to get your V-day chocolate from a women-owned farm in the heart of The Emerald Triangle? Look no further than Native Humboldt. The bars are filled with the quality and love of the game it takes to be a survivor up north these days. With so many farms devastated over the past few years up north, it’s important to support the farmers up there when you get the chance, but we’re not telling you to buy it out of sympathy. It’s great chocolate.
Jelly Wizard Magic Morsels
We have been a wizard gang since the moment they entered the recreational market. We were literally standing at the booth smoking a blunt with them when they made their first legal sale at Kushstock a couple of years ago. While the gummies helped put them on the map along with some killer hash and flower, do not sleep on Jelly Wizard’s chocolate offering. You can truly taste the hype in The Magic Morsels.
Fiora + Bast Aphrodisia Intimate Arousal Oil
The dual purpose oil is designed for both topical and edible adventures in the bedroom. Now is the $77 price tag steep for 1,700mg CBD and 1,000mg CBG? Maybe that’s just the cost of great cannabinoid-laced sex these days. Fiora + Blast note when applied topically it makes you slippery and stimulates the libido. If you eat it, the CBD makes your Valentine’s Day hookup less regrettable. The oil also comes in a Sex System they call “the kit” (not my quotations) because why not, right? That set features a QR code to download the book “Becoming Cliterate” by author and sex educator, Laurie Mintz, Lelo’s sonic massager Sona II Cruse and the Aphrodisia Oil for $149.
Lavinia Oh.Hi Lubricant
In one of this year’s list’s most heartwarming tales, here is Lavinia’s backstory that I couldn’t possibly word better:
“The brand was founded in 2021 by Katie Enright, a former celibate studying to be a nun. In a quest to help herself and others obtain easy, powerful, multiple orgasms, Enright began by studying cannabis and sex, and created her first product for herself, then for friends, then friends of friends. After an earth-shattering orgasm, Lavinia’s first product, oh.hi, was born.”
The company claims the THC and CBD-infused lube increases blood flow for heightened sensation when applied vaginally or for Valentine’s Day butt stuff. Oh.hi is latex friendly, glycerin-free, glycol-free, paraben-free, hypoallergenic, unscented, unflavored, and 100% vegan. It’ll take about 15 minutes to work, not the slippery part, the weed part. Oh.hi is available at dispensaries all over California.
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